How to survive having boys... three of them!

It is a long list; get comfortable.

No need to take notes-- if you're a parent reading this, you will be nodding like a bobble head stuck to a dashboard, going 120km/ph on the motor way.

You must always have wipes--always...they clean EVERYTHING ...someone is popping over and the house is a state? Don't panic...wipes..sweet wipes... they'll not only clean the dirt off the children they'll do the floor, the walls, the tables, the mantel piece, the highchair, the door handles, even the curtains... WIPES ...Clean.It.All.

Googling 'symptoms' is NEVER a good idea...EVER...have a cup of tea, take some deep breaths, get a grip...it is a head bump..the child is up and running...he is NOT concussed...

Get friendly with your GP- they'll accept your phonecalls after you've thrown any and all logically thinking out the window along with your 'not-so-smart' phone...darn google.

Get a huge white board, hang it on a wall and write EVERY single appointment down, while you're on the phone, when the appointment comes through the door...do it quickly...your mind is always wandering...baby brain is a thing by the way...mine is still hanging around...(my youngest is 2 soon)

Toilet training...like 'Nike' says...just do it...just give him whatever the heck he wants once he has done his wee wee...the truth is; even at 10 they miss the bowl...I believe that can continue into adulthood, right guys?!

Quietness is never them being 'good'...NEVER...run like the wind when you hear nothing...they are doing 'something' ; trust me.

Bribes work; I don't care what the experts say, bribe little not often and you're onto a winner!

Insects, dead birds and dead anything really, are 'cool'...just smile while you tell them all about the diseases they can catch if they touch the darn things. (Thankfully they don't tend to bring them home like cats do, but they are like dogs and can sniff a dead bird from yards away)

Be thankfully you can get them into the shower. Be very thankful they actually get clean in the shower...always check for 'action figures' before letting them off into the shower.

'My son will not play with a toy gun'...oh yeah, that one. My boys have only ever had water guns...my almost two year old builds a mean gun using his giant Lego bricks and has asked me to "stick'em up" more times than I can count.

Safety is important...to you...not them. "I just wanted to see the sky better mom" is a response from my (then) 9 year old as I nearly fainted watching him climb on the roof.

Never, EVER dress them before they have had their breakfast...there is no point..unless you enjoy washing 2-3 loads of washing a day...I'm not judging...

Accept 'Minecraft'- it's here to stay...get to know 'Steve' so you can say "Steve is it?" when your 10 year old will NOT stop talking about it.

Pull the finger when asked...they will keep on and on until you do...just pull the darn thing

Farts are funny and cool but it's not cool nor is it funny if you do it...it is gross then...no...no they can't put themselves in your shoes even then.

Don't leave a screwdriver anywhere near a curious 10 year old who has ADHD...in fact don't show him where any of the tools are kept..I still can't find the backs of the baby's toys yet his things (important not to call them toys) that were once dead are now alive and kicking...ummh

Let them think they got away with 'it'...bring 'it' up when they are having a wobbler over their peas mixed with their beans...

Get used to cold coffee...

Know when it's time to say "here have a biscuit now shh", for me thats roughly twice a day.

Have wine in the fridge...ALWAYS.

Don't ever be daft enough to think white anything is suitable in your home, on you, on them, on your walls..you get the idea.

It is NOT always chocolate. Yes, even that bit on the ceiling...

Snails are not pets, put your foot down...don't let them tell you about 'Gary' from 'Spongebob'..if you're like me and a soft touch, they will pounce on it.

Ornaments are lovely...in someone else's house or in a shop..don't even THINK about buying it until you have teenagers, at least.

A  'floater' in a public pool is no cause for alarm...you will have to drag them out kicking and screaming while you watch all the lovely little girls run at the sight of it.

A toddler does NOT deserve to be trusted..when out for a walk without the stroller, when in a bathroom while you pee, when given choices as to what they want off the menu in 'Supermac's' ...they'll want what you have or what the lady beside you is having, they WON'T want what they had originally wanted..that's a promise.

Try to reward the changing of underwear... yep, it is that vital.

Buy plenty of bread, jam, peanut butter, spreads and all that...they tend to always be hungry.

And finally (for now) balls are most certainly NOT the only thing that can be thrown in your direction at any given time...what COULD have happened may aswell be you speaking in a foreign language.

There you have it, only some of the things my years of being 'mommy' has taught me.

I'll let you in on the best lesson; my boys taught me how to be. To just... be. Be with them in their world, be with them on their adventures, be with them in the moment. It is lovely to just be and enjoy them.(even when there's a pooping contest between Ethan and baby D!)

Kindly submitted by Ger Renton, who will be keeping us up to date on her crazy family life with Ethan & co.
Follow her on facebook at  "It's me Ethan"  and check out her amazing blog at geraldinerenton.com