HOW CAN YOU HELP YOUR CHILD SET BOUNDARIES?

When children have their own firm boundaries, they are more likely to succeed throughout their lives. If you’ve had difficulty setting these up in your home, take a look at these ten ways parents help children set boundaries and limits.

To help children understand, recognize and set boundaries, begin by setting a few basic boundaries that apply to everyone. Core principles are a good place to start.

For example, you may want to include boundaries that include safety, respect, responsibility, etc. When children see and respect other people’s boundaries, they are better able to set clear boundaries for themselves. In our house if one sibling says no the others have to recognise this boundary and respect that.

These boundaries would fall into the “safety” and “respect” categories. When it comes to physical contact and personal space, everyone has their own comfort zone and levels. Regardless of age, everyone has a right to protect his or her body and personal space.

Our three-year-old doesn’t like to hug or kiss. We feel she has a right to say no and expect this wish to be respected. Making children dismiss their own feelings can lead to confusion and self-doubt, as well as children devaluing their own needs and feelings in later life.

These boundary lines allow you and your children to separate me from you. They help everyone to accept responsibility for their own actions and feelings. Emotional boundaries also protect you from putting too much importance on feelings and situations that we have no control over.

While it’s important to be able to separate yourself from others, it’s also important to be empathetic, caring, thoughtful, considerate and respectful. When someone crosses one of your emotional boundaries, it’s ok to tell them what happened.

For example, your children could say, “What you said hurt my feelings. I try not to hurt your feelings and I expect you to be considerate of my feelings. If I hurt your feelings, please tell me.”

Make time to have family meetings as well as private conversations with your kids. Give children a chance to express their successes, failures, questions and concerns. Children who feel as if they have a voice and a choice are more likely to follow rules and adhere to boundaries.

Make sure your children are aware of the consequences that will take place beforehand should they choose not to respect a boundary. When choosing a consequence for a behaviour, allow your child to have input. And try to have the consequence be a real-world consequence directly connected to the offense.

Also, make sure it is age appropriate and relates closely to the offense. This teaches your children how to set their own limits as well as predict possible outcomes and consequences in later life.

Written by Staff Writer Laura Doyle. Laura also blogs at www.lovelifeandlittleones.com